Slow the F*ck Down!

Today, as I emerged into the darkness of a cold Yukon winter morning, a time when the world outside mirrors the stillness within, I found myself reflecting on the value of my life, particularly in the realm of relationships. Periodically, I conduct an audit and declutter as necessary. With age, I’ve come to realize that less is often more in various aspects of life, yet sometimes, more is indeed better.

In a recent gathering with my fatherless daughters collective, the conversation revolved around vision and identity. Who are we now, and who do we really want to be? These profound questions I have discovered, if left unexplored, might lead us to a point where life slips by unnoticed, and we find ourselves straying from our own path. We become so engrossed in following the paths others want for us that we miss crucial turns in our own lives, either that or we speed through yellow lights without acknowledging the impending red light ahead.

What if we paid more attention to the yellow lights in our lives? What if we paused, recognizing that after a yellow light comes a red one – a clear signal to stop, look around, and consciously accept where we are on this unpredictable road of life?

Often, our minds are so fixated on reaching our destination that we simply bypass the journey itself. How many of us have found ourselves at our intended destination, vaguely even recalling the passage, almost as if we were on autopilot? My mentor once advised me to “slow the fuck down” during such times. It was the best advice I ever received!

OK, so back to the concept of a life audit … I like taking a conscious look at the relationships in my life – family, friends, work colleagues, clients. As I assess their value to me, I flip the perspective, contemplating the value I bring to their lives.

To be brutally honest, it’s not always good news.

I recently described a friend as “good value,” a term from my Australian upbringing that resonated with my Canadian friend. However, it did make me ponder: Am I good value?

As I perch on my high horse, evaluating my life and relationships, and considering how to gain more benefits personally, I cringe when I reverse the lens. What are the costs that others pay to be in a relationship with me? This rather uncomfortable question, triggered by a metaphorical yellow light, demands attention.

And of course my analytical part comes out and leads me to further introspection:

What must people in my life put up with from me?
What unfavorable characteristics do they endure?
What detrimental patterns persist in my life?
In what ways do I sabotage myself and my relationships?
Am I shifting blame for something I am accountable for?

Our journey can be viewed as the path of ascension, replete with distractions, side roads, dirt paths, mountains, valleys, and as we move into the busyness of our lives, the countless street lights guiding us to keep moving, slow down, or stop.

I’ve come to learn that the interpretation of our lives and the people within it is solely my responsibility.

Perfection is an illusion, and with each orbit I take around our sun, I’m coming to realize that imperfection is the true goal. Slowing down allows us to revise our old stories, re-energizing our lives with the fuel needed for growth, expansion, and evolution as we rise into our authentic selves.

Picture a life of freedom where we instantly recognize those emotions that lead us down the wrong path – emotions that, if harbored for too long, impede our ascent. Fear, blame, guilt, shame, resentment, judgment – ring any bells?

We don’t need to change others; we need to change our story. It all boils down to realizing our worth, revising our story, re-energizing our soul and rising up. Simple really right? Just stay on the path that we desire, which echos that same initial question: who do you really want to be?

The 4 Pillars—Realize, Revise, Re-energize & Rise – are the foundations of my Therapeutical hypno-coaching work.

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